Not sure what I did and not sure what I can do, but I know I couldn't have done anything so bad to deserve this. I feel like there is a big part of me missing, a hole and can't be filled. It's not you.
Seems like everything is the past couple of weeks made a turn for the bad... my grades, debate, guys, family, car, and my friends. In other words, everything has gone to shit and I don't know how I can fix or even of I really want to fix all of it. I feel too bad to sleep because I know I will dream. These dreams makes me feel good and suddenly terrible at the same time. They are what I want, but what I will never get.
I'm 17 years old and still effected by the boy I liked when I was 7. Sometimes I wish I could tell him he ruined it for me, but the last thing I want is for him to feel like a problem. Not exactly a problem, but anything negative. The more I want to push away relationships, the more I think about them. I should be focusing on all my tests and getting into college. Instead, I am lost in my own clouds of what I am missing.
It hurts. It hurts to know I may never be happy or at least anytime soon. It hurts to know that I'm not good enough the way I am. It hurts to know that I can't have what I would give the world for.
If I did something wrong I am sorry. If I am a bad person, I am sorry. I also apoligize for not being myself. It's just hard when you have so much going on. The feeling like you can break down and cry with every breathe is just not a great feeling to have.
I want you to hug me. Wipe away my tears. Make me forget what I am going through because all that matters is you. I need you to comfort me, to fill this hole. | 
. At least I didn't get 8th place, right? There was also a little distraction in the back of the room, but I'm not going to get into that. 
